life · Thoughts

Introspect

Photo 3-26-16, 12 31 07 PM
Istanbul, Turkey (26.03.2016)

—The post below was supposed to be for 10-07-2016. Procrastination is almost synonymous to Jacquie. ūüôā

 

Before I begin, Thank You to every soul who were sweet enough to greet me today – nothing is unnoticed and I will get back to all of you.

Now, the introspect and everything about turning 29. No, I am not turning all sentimental and complacent. Aside from birthdays being our yearly reminder of our mortality – the only thing we all can’t escape – it also brings us to the realization that is, what have we done with the years that we’ve been on this earth? (You can ask yourself that too.)

Years ago, when I was starting to hold my life together in my palms, I was on heroin high with all the things that I can do РI did not pay attention to the things that I could not do, I was invincible. Young and stupid. Literally.

And then, I’m here today. A year older, hopefully wiser. Every year, I do a little reflection of the year that was and replay everything. If you noticed, I’m sentimental like that. I am a lifelong fan of the intangible and immaterial, of stories and experiences.

As time evolves, so does life. And man, what a great life it really is.

I started with whining, complaining and fault finding – who doesn’t? I was na√Įve.¬†I spent a good amount of time¬†looking at¬†the bad things and try to make them better. I discovered the not-so-good things – in people, in me, in everything. However, it’ll eventually take it’s toll on you. It was taxing to feed your mind and soul with negatives. It eats your entire being and you become counterproductive. I became busy telling myself that things aren’t simple – some things aren’t doable. Then, I got tired of being¬† sloppy and careless. You know what they say, you can’t do the same things over and over again¬†and expect¬†a different result? I had that moment and told myself, there’s too much garbage already. So I started to take the trash out of my system. I started with, promising myself to be the best version of me – I was determined to be Zen.

What did I do? I forgave people even without them apologizing. I started doing things I thought I couldn’t do. I worked on my dreams, and they started to come true one after the other. I looked at people differently. I lowered the tone of my voice. I¬†made new friends. I accepted bigger responsibilities. I did things differently. I¬†did not care about what people¬†were saying.¬†I¬†made a conscious effort¬†to basically not suck as a human being. In all sense, the earlier version was immature, so I decided to grow up – the best version was actually being mature.

I used to throw the word mature like candy – I tell people here and there to act ‘mature’ when I did not actually understand what it meant. My dad puts it best – growing old isn’t synonymous to growing up. Adding in your years does not make you mature. You have to put in the work – with a dose of YOLO in the mix.

Then I realized, I was having fun. I felt lighter. My optimism was contagious. I gave people the break they needed and called out on their BS when necessary. I was happier.

For quite some time now, petty things rarely get to my nerves. I¬†am not downplaying the stress and challenges of life, I’m not saying it’s not there.¬†What¬†I’m saying is that it’s¬†your perspective that matters.¬†Most things¬†look bad on the outside – but on¬†the flipside, it’s¬†not – it has a purpose. When you start seeing things like that, you’d be surprised at how it’ll change you.

It’s both the good and the bad that makes life beautiful. I hope you’re having a great one.

XX jacquie

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